*A bardo is a Tibetan Buddhism ritual that focuses on helping those in the underworld.

The Vajra Master did what she could and moved Brian to a realm that was less miserable. She did not elaborate in what way was the current realm miserable nor did she needed to. Brian was obvious miserable. About a week later, I was at the temple again when a monk told me that a spirit followed me in. 

The lesson of suicide is hard. It is long. It is concieveably worse than the reason that drives one to commit suicide.

A friend of mine followed his life duitifully - he finished school, enjoyed a stable and well paid job in finance, and had good savings. A few years ago, Brian decided to reinvent himself. He invested his savings in graduate school and a new career that did not materialize. The finance industry had shun him out because he lacked relevant recent work experience. After nearly two years, Brian moved back with his family and took on part time jobs in the service industry. A year later, at the prime age of thirty five, he took his own life with a belt.

I knew that there was no body else in his life who can help him in death. Not that no one wanted to. The extend of the most people's knowledge in spirituality is to say a few prayers for him, share some stores, carry out a funeral service, and then hope that he his in a better place. 

But I knew the truth.

In order to avoid offending Brian's grieving family who did not share the same belief, I said nothing. 

In the first few days after his death, I asked Vajra Master Samantha to perform a bardo* for Brian. Brian's spirit came to the bardo. The air was heavy and there was an immense sense of pain. Brian was miserable and regretful. In that moment, Vajra Master Samantha let out a deep sigh. ​

Even god has to follow cosmic rules. Yes, there have been miracles such as Jesus rising from the dead, but Brian wasn't Jesus.

He said the spirit was eluding from the guardians of the underworld. Not just any underworld. It was the Netherworld. Brian said they were out to apprehend him to serve his time. I asked him what would happen to him if he is caught. He said, in committing suicide, pain and suffering will be betowed upon him in several phases. ​

"He will have to endure pain and suffering in one area of the Netherworld" my Dharma Guardians* said, "and then he will be moved to another area. Each phase will be different pain and sufferings."

I looked at the monk. He was quiet all this time. Monks who have practiced ell do not talk unless they need to and when they speak it is seldom for conversation. "Then and only then, Brian will be allow to reincarnate. In each of his eighteen lifetimes he will be born with severe disability, deformation, and will be born into extreme poverty. On his nineteenth reincarnation, he will be reborn into a noble family" the monk said.



"He will be reborn eighteen lifetimes with severe disability, deformation, and will be born into extreme poverty."

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                  I pay homage to Root Guru His Holiness Living Buddha,

                 Lian Sheng.

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